66. Emotionally Immature Parents

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents  by Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD 

 

I came to look for this book, buy it and read it because I wanted to understand my mixed emotions when it comes to family. 

I am obviously coming into life out of a set of parents, a family. Growing up we don’t get to understand the very soup we are swimming in, we don’t get to question our feelings or even acknowledge that we are feeling this and that feeling. At least that was not the case for me growing up. That was a century ago :) 

So, I read the book and I understood some things. 

I understood that sometimes it is better if some people don’t become parents. I mean, I was already thinking this, but now I am sold. It also came as a revelation to read about all the other cases out there, where children are suffering because of their parents inability to behave as parents. 

Want it or not, there are some expectations from people when they become parents. They need to make sure that the new life they just brought in this world is taken care of. Unfortunately, not all parents are aware of that. They grow physically enough to be able to give birth or conceive a child, but for some reason they do not grow emotionally. 

These are the parents that make your life harder by depositing on their emotions, their insecurities, their needs. These are the “parents” that need to be parented and these are the parents I wanted to learn about. 

It is of course not that easy to read and then go apply the knowledge in a real life, live-or-die situation. In my case, I don’t think I can change things anymore. The parent I have learned to manage, growing in my flesh like a splinter that just cannot be taken out, unless surgically done, is not someone able to handle emotions. I mean, this parent is able to be emotional but cannot see the wisdom in them, they can only feel them furiously, be taken over by them or have no emotions at all.  Try and live with that. Try and talk to that. 

 

Maybe that’s why I have found solace in written words.